by Priyanka Roychoudhury
Navigating life as women of colour in a white majority society often means carrying extra layers. Layers of cultural expectations and responsibilities, and sometimes, the weight of historical and societal biases. As daughters in our families, we are often told we need to be strong, resilient, and carry the weight of our communities, all while striving for personal and professional success in societies and systems that weren’t always built with us in mind. This can leave us feeling incredibly weighed down, sometimes to the point of being overwhelmed. This what happened to me in 2023. I felt burnt out, unanchored and lost. That is when I decided to take a sabbatical from work.
Just like decluttering our physical space can bring a sense of calm and clarity (anyone remember Marie Kondo?), learning the brave art of letting go in other areas of our lives can be transformative – something I experienced first-hand during my 6 month long sabbatical. What I realise in hindsight is that making the decision to stop running a particular race is not about giving up our goals or our ambitions entirely; instead, it’s about consciously choosing what truly nourishes and empowers us, what matters in the long run and gracefully releasing what no longer serves our unique journeys in our current context.
Think about the pressures we face. The expectation to constantly educate others about our cultures, the need to switch between different contexts and navigate different social codes, the subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) microaggressions. These can chip away at our energy without us being aware of it. We might feel the weight of representing our families and communities, leading to a pressure to always be “on” and strong. But holding onto all of this, all the time, can become a heavy burden.
Everyone’s journey is different. Here is what letting go looked like for me:
• Releasing the Need to Explain: I was tired of constantly justifying my identity or cultural nuances. Letting go meant choosing my battles and conserving my energy for spaces where I was truly seen and understood.
• Saying No to Unpaid Emotional Labour: We are often called upon to educate, comfort, and advocate for our communities at work in ways that are emotionally taxing and rarely acknowledged. Letting go meant setting boundaries and saying no to requests that drained without offering reciprocal support.
• Challenging Internalised Expectations: Without being consciously aware of it, I had absorbed societal messages about what a “successful” woman should look like or how she should behave. Letting go meant questioning these internalised expectations and defining success on my own terms, rooted in my own values and aspirations.
• Finding my Tribe: The feeling of being “the only one” can be isolating and it was for me. I was the only immigrant brown woman in my team. Sometimes the only woman in my team! Letting go of the need to always fit into spaces that didn’t bring the best out of me and actively seeking out communities where I was celebrated and understood was incredibly liberating. In fact GirlDreamer was one of those communities for me and still is!
Letting go isn’t always easy, especially when these burdens feel intertwined with our identities and experiences. And then there are also those constant pressures to keep up with what we see on social media. We might worry about letting down our communities or feeling like we’re not doing enough. But this is what I always remind myself – pouring from an empty cup helps no one. Prioritising our well-being allows us to show up more fully and sustainably in all aspects of our lives.
So, how can we, as women of colour, cultivate this art of letting go?
• Centre Our Well-being: Recognise that our mental and emotional health are paramount, not a luxury. Prioritise practices that nourish us, whether it’s connecting with your cultural heritage, spending time in nature, or engaging in creative expression.
• Find Our Safe Spaces: Seek out communities – online or offline – where we feel seen, heard, and understood without the need for constant explanation. These spaces can be vital for our support and validation.
• Set Boundaries with Intention: Be clear about our limits and not be afraid to say no to demands that drain us. Our time and energy are precious.
• Challenge Internal Narratives: Pay attention to the stories we tell ourselves about who we should be and what we should endure. Actively challenge narratives that are rooted in societal biases rather than our own truth.
• Practice Self-Compassion Fiercely: Be kind to ourself. Navigating the complexities of being a woman of colour is a unique journey with its own set of challenges. We must acknowledge our strength and resilience, but also allow ourselves moments of vulnerability and most importantly rest.
Letting go is not about diminishing ourselves or our experiences. It’s about strategically shedding the weight that hinders our growth and joy. It’s about creating space for ourselves – for our dreams, our healing, and our authentic expression in a world that sometimes tries to box us in. By consciously choosing what we let go, we empower ourselves to thrive, to build communities, and to shine our bright (like a diamond!).
