by Hodan Mohamed
Have you ever watched the 1999 screwball romantic comedy Runaway Bride? In case you haven’t, Runaway Bride stars Julia Roberts as a flighty woman who has been engaged three times to three different men but on each of her wedding days, can’t muster walking down the aisle and instead runs away. Richard Gere plays a journalist who interviews the three men left at the altar and discovers they each have a different answer when asked how Julia’s character likes her eggs, illustrating that she molds her personality based on her relationships rather than truly knowing herself.
Do you ever feel like this? Like you’re crafting your personality, your likes, dislikes, to mirror the people around you? Sometimes it can be a deliberate decision you make to align yourself to relationships or friendships but other times, it can be subconscious, something you may not realise you’re even doing until someone points it out to you.
Here are some tips you can try to ensure your life is being led by you and only you.
Trust Your Taste
Let’s start with style. Take a look at what you’re wearing right now. Would you say your clothes reflect the real you? Where do you get your inspiration? Whether you like to dress comfortably or don an elevated look day-to-day, you can still shop for clothes while keeping in mind the way
you like to dress. Whether you’re online shopping or physically rifling through racks, trust your taste. This means try putting together an outfit without referring to a moodboard you found on Pinterest or trying your best to mimic your favourite influencer. Let the clothes find you. Once
something catches your eye, pick it up and don’t overthink it. Try pairing it with another item and then take the time to try it on for yourself. If it doesn’t work, that’s okay because that means you’re that much closer to finding something that will work for you. This exercise is to get you used to building your own likes and dislikes so you don’t end up buying something you don’t actually like but you’ve seen other people wear and thought you should too. Trust and rely on your own taste, not someone else’s.
Do Something Out Of Character!
If you feel like your life doesn’t feel like it’s yours, that might be because you feel a lack of control. It may be time to make some purposeful decisions and see where it takes you. That means doing something out of character. Think of something you’ve never done before or you have never even thought of doing. Go to a completely new coffeeshop and sit by yourself while you survey your new surroundings. It might be tempting but try to resist going on your phone to keep yourself looking busy. Just sit. There’s always the option to up and leave if you don’t feel like it’s working for you. Paint your nails in the shade of your least favourite colour. Buy a new flavour of ramen that could potentially burn your throat. Doing something out of character doesn’t need to be so drastic, anything you wouldn’t otherwise do can bring you a little more out of that shell and who knows? You might find a new favourite.
Consume Something You Don’t Resonate With
Another way to cultivate your life to make it your own, stand firm in your beliefs. Go out of your way to read or watch something that is completely out of your realm, either something you’ve never experienced or couldn’t possibly resonate with. Watch a foreign language film you wouldn’t otherwise see, read an article written by someone with a personal opinion you don’t agree with, listen to music in a genre you’re not too keen on. This will reaffirm your opinions and give you an insight into what you don’t like and more importantly, why you don’t like it.
Connect With Your Inner Child
Finally, reconnect with your inner child. Pick a notable time in your childhood and envision the things you used to love to do. Were you always outside in the muck in the garden? Writing nonsensical stories? Doing your hair and makeup in adventurous and outrageous styles? Whatever it is, do these same activities you used to do often as a child and see how you feel. Is there a way you can make this a part of a regular routine even if just for once a week? Allowing yourself some time to behave like your Child Self will give you a sense of levity where you don’t have to take everything so seriously and honestly, just have some fun!
Whatever you choose to do to cultivate your life as your own, just remember there is no right or wrong way to live, as long as the choice remains to be yours.
