By Minreet Kaur

I care for my mum who has myeloma, a rare blood cancer. We received this news nearly two years ago and it was a huge shock, it turned our lives upside down. I became a sole carer, something that isn’t just exclusive to me. More and more daughters in the Asian community are taking the sole role of becoming carers with no support.

For me caring is a selfless service and in my faith, we call this ‘sewa’. I love caring for my mum, it’s a blessing and it gives me a purpose in life. I can spend all day chatting to my mum, she is wise and has great stories to share about her growing up, what life was like, how she used to go out wearing miniskirts and it was allowed, she felt comfortable at that time. She tells me about how safe the UK was for women then, or at least it felt it was. 

I do have days when I do think about my career. I changed my career from Marketing to Journalism 7 years ago, but I never really landed the break that I dreamt of. And then my mum got blood cancer. I scaled back on my work and it left me feeling a bit deflated that nothing in life is stable. But, when I sat back and reflected, it made me realise that the most important thing right now is to care for my mum as she needs me and to build memories with her so that I have no regrets when the day comes and I no longer have my mum around.

I spend every day embracing the time I have with my mum. I turned my journalism from writing about features to pursuing travel journalism and writing about my travel adventures with my mum. I had a lot of people who saw the content I was sharing say they felt inspired and loved the fact that I had such a beautiful relationship with my mum, it’s not something many have and the way I embrace my mum is such a wonderful thing as not many daughters would do that, these comments really made me feel emotional. I don’t think I am doing anything special except ‘caring’ for my mum. I see it as it’s my duty because she isn’t as strong as she used to be. She is vulnerable and it’s now my time to give back as my mum took good care of me growing up, even after my divorce 15 years ago it was my mum who lifted me and helped me to start doing things for me. 

As a woman of colour, I’ve faced a lot of challenges in the media industry. From changing careers and feeling like I stood out and did not fit in. To now be a carer where no one supports you to keep going and helps carers find work that is good for their soul as we too need to have something we enjoy doing to take us away from the challenges we face in caring for a loved one. We have no one to offload onto and it’s tough. I am now much stronger and resilient and I have chosen a different career path whereby I help Carers Trust to raise awareness on caring and getting it highlighted in the mainstream media. Carers are unseen and unheard and with Myeloma awareness week and Carers Week just recently in June it’s more of a reason to be heard and seen.

I have turned to looking after my health and helping other Asian women to learn to swim and take up running. I learnt how to swim inspired by my mum a few years ago and I help Asian women to overcome their fear and learn this very important life skill. I got into running in lockdown inspired again by my mum and now I have an Asian women’s running group which is all about giving women the confidence to run in a group and create a social environment for us after to have a coffee and chat. Many Asian women feel running isn’t for them and it’s for those who want a PB, but my group isn’t about speed, it’s about enjoying the run, having a chat and most of all getting active.

As a carer, it’s not easy to juggle a full-time job so I turned to health-related fitness activities which helps me with my overall mental health and wellbeing and it’s also serving a purpose whereby I am giving back to my community.

I feel many carers are seen as if we aren’t intelligent and don’t have the skills to do a job. We are more than educated, have skills gained when in employment and can do a lot more if given a chance to show what we are capable of doing. Because of our time being so limited and we are focused on caring, we need support so we can pursue our dreams too. I find it can be quite isolating and lonely at times. It can be tough, but having my mum here is my support even though she is going through a tough time herself.

I am trying to build memories through visiting different places around the world where my mum is able to travel to and have as much fun as we can, living life to the fullest and smiling through the hardest days to keep going.

Asian women are always having to work twice as hard and we continue to, but what I have noticed as a journalist is how competitive the media industry is and how the lack of support there is to help people like me grow. So, with the digital world becoming more popular I have been using my skills to do more on social media and become a social media influencer because that means much more to build the memories with a loved one and inspire others who resonate. Through sharing my journey as a carer and the good and bad days this will give other carers like me hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel. The mother and daughter bond we have, the love and laughter we have is more than anything in life.

Life is precious and we get one chance to do the right thing. I will never forget the sacrifices my mum had to make when she came from India as an immigrant and gave me everything even if it meant my parents went without.

I look at caring as a job and it’s one that is so rewarding, when you give love, that love returns tenfold and caring keeps me humble. Lots of carers feel neglected and lonely and it’s really tough because young carers, especially those who are juggling studying, caring and not looking after their own well-being.

I have days when I feel very low, I suffer from migraines and anxiety and do have dark thoughts of life after my mum is no longer here and it scares me, but I have my faith and I truly believe that what I am doing right now in supporting my mum is for a reason and that the future is unknown to us all. We can only take one step at a time and embrace the beauty of what life has to bring. I don’t see my mum having myeloma as a bad thing, yes, it’s painful and difficult seeing my mum suffer, but I know there’s always a reason for everything.  Life is short, live for today, tomorrow is never guaranteed.